149 days to go!

Hello World,

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Your reflection is the most obvious answer, however, when I look in the mirror, I see all of my flaws. I wish that my eyes were blue instead of dark brown. I wish that my gymnast body would turn into a dainty lady's body. I wish my face was more beautiful. Above all, I wish that I weighed 25 pounds less like I did 3 years ago.

3 years ago, my grandmother died and I went through a lot emotionally. I weighed in at about 130 pounds then. Since then, I have graduated from college with my Bachelor's, I have secured a job with the county being a high school English teacher, I got married, and now I am in graduate school. Since my wedding in February 2010, I have gained 22 pounds. I, embarassingly must say, weigh 152 pounds. I can no longer fit into my size 4 skirts without my stomach hanging out. I can no longer look and feel beautiful in my high waisted, pencil skirts anymore. I feel more comfortable in a sweatshirt with jeans than I do with a top and jeans; probably because I feel so self-conscious in jeans. I don't necessarily have a gut, but I think I have a little belly now.

This blog is going to help me change. I have tried to diet and exercise to lose weight for 9 months now with no success. Last February, I weighed 133 pounds because I has a wedding gown to fit into. In the last 9 months, I have gained this weight and I am giving myself 5 months to take it all back off. I have tried Weight Watchers, and just counting calories, but I will sabotage everything simply because I feel so terrible about myself. No, I am not depressed by any means, but my self-esteem needs a lot of work. I want to be able to look in my mirror 5 months from now and see what I used to see and feel what I used to feel.

I feel if I blog about it, then I am responsible for owning what I am doing. If I sneak a piece of chocolate, I must be honest here and admit that. I am also hoping for guidance, advice, inspiration, anything at this point on my journey. I cannot lie to the public and at the end of all of this I am hoping that I can look back at all of my posts and appreciate the hard work that I put in to make myself better. I am going to stay committed to myself because I am tired of feeling this way. When someone tells me I look beautiful, I want to believe it in my heart and actually agree with them. I am doing this on my own...without a bootcamp, without a trainer. I am empowering myself to be the writer of my own destiny.

Here's to day 1 of this journey.
Today for brunch I had the serving size for frosted mini wheats and I had a banana. I drink skim milk because of a lactose intolerance tendency, but I only put in about 1/3 of a cup in my cereal. This all equaled 5 points out of the 29 I am allotted for weight watchers.

I am about to go work out for 2 hours- 60 minutes for cardio and 60 minutes for weight training. I'll probably have a fat free light yogurt as a snack between this time and dinner which is 2 points.

For dinner I am goingto eat my leftovers from dinner last night at Mossfire Grill out in Five Points Square. It is half 3/4 of a chicken and spinach quesadilla. This is worth about 8 or 9 points because the cheese in it is not reduced fat.
I will probably be a little under my points for today, but I decided to sleep in and have brunch instead of breakfast and lunch as two separate meals.

I appreciate you following me on this journey and any advice or encouragement you can give, please don't hesitate!!!!!!

Only 149 days left :)