Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Summertime and the livin' is easy

No, I have not fallen off the face of the planet nor have quit this journey. The past couple of months since my last post has been full of frustration, self-discovery, and melt downs. The first thing I had to do is clear the air with myself. I literally stood in front of the mirror two weeks ago and said, "Why do you not see what everyone else seems to?"

I had to answer for my actions of sabotaging my own success. Why do I do it? Here's the answer I came to...ever since I was a little girl I have always rated myself against all of the other girls in the room. To this day, I still do it. Oh look, I wish I had that girls body shape, I wish my boobs looked perky like that, Gosh, this little pimple is ruining my face. I first noticed this when Josh and I went dress shopping for my sister's graduation. I turned down every single dress I tried on because I found something wrong with every single one! Because I do not feel "pretty" or "hot" I automatically assume that I am not. It's put a lot of pressure on my marriage, well our entire relationship. I know this sounds familiar to you because this is what I wrote about 6 months ago when I first started this thing!

How do I break this cycle? How do I learn to love myself and more importantly how do I change my attitude about who I am and what I am definitely capable of?

Well, here's a step that I made so far...

I started keeping track of my points again, very strictly. If I eat three cheez its- it's counted, if I eat a piece of chocolate, It's counted. The past two weeks, I have noticed all of the random things I eat. My body feels I need it, you know, like a craving and I go crazy if I don't suffice it. I learned that I have these cravings like 5 times a day and that all of the calories do add up, but worse even, I feel guilty when I go overboard.

I've also started walking three miles every day, rain or shine, and smoke or not, I'm moving and sweating. My legs are extremely sore, but I feel like I make better choices when I just worked that hard day in and day out.

My starting weight right now is 149. It's the first week after my period and that is usually the best week to lose weight. We are going on a Mediterranean cruise August 5th and I'd like to weigh about 137 lbs by that point. I have about 50 days plus or minus a couple....I am going to lose this weight, so help me. I'm done feeling frustrated and not deserving of FEELING pretty, I'M DONE!

12 lbs in 7 weeks, YES I CAN! :)

3 comments:

  1. You look fine to me...and I weigh 182.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Ren-

    It's hard to explain...when I got married I weighed 135 and that was only a year and a half ago...to gain like 15 lbs in that short of a span to me is like a slap in the face because I worked so hard for 4 yrs prior to that staying in the 130s and I just let myself go. All that hard work :( Thank you for the compliment, but that's what I'm talking about...why can't I see what you see? UGH! So frustrating!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You and I will need to go out sometime. I used to feel exactly the same way. Then I had a baby. I had to learn to accept my body for what it was and what it is now. I still weigh the same pre baby. Though I did lose about 30 lbs afterwards, but I will say that the past year I've put on about 15 to 20.

    It's the stress. We're teachers. On top of that, you're getting your masters too. That will put a lot of stress on your body and mentality.

    ReplyDelete