Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Summertime and the livin' is easy

No, I have not fallen off the face of the planet nor have quit this journey. The past couple of months since my last post has been full of frustration, self-discovery, and melt downs. The first thing I had to do is clear the air with myself. I literally stood in front of the mirror two weeks ago and said, "Why do you not see what everyone else seems to?"

I had to answer for my actions of sabotaging my own success. Why do I do it? Here's the answer I came to...ever since I was a little girl I have always rated myself against all of the other girls in the room. To this day, I still do it. Oh look, I wish I had that girls body shape, I wish my boobs looked perky like that, Gosh, this little pimple is ruining my face. I first noticed this when Josh and I went dress shopping for my sister's graduation. I turned down every single dress I tried on because I found something wrong with every single one! Because I do not feel "pretty" or "hot" I automatically assume that I am not. It's put a lot of pressure on my marriage, well our entire relationship. I know this sounds familiar to you because this is what I wrote about 6 months ago when I first started this thing!

How do I break this cycle? How do I learn to love myself and more importantly how do I change my attitude about who I am and what I am definitely capable of?

Well, here's a step that I made so far...

I started keeping track of my points again, very strictly. If I eat three cheez its- it's counted, if I eat a piece of chocolate, It's counted. The past two weeks, I have noticed all of the random things I eat. My body feels I need it, you know, like a craving and I go crazy if I don't suffice it. I learned that I have these cravings like 5 times a day and that all of the calories do add up, but worse even, I feel guilty when I go overboard.

I've also started walking three miles every day, rain or shine, and smoke or not, I'm moving and sweating. My legs are extremely sore, but I feel like I make better choices when I just worked that hard day in and day out.

My starting weight right now is 149. It's the first week after my period and that is usually the best week to lose weight. We are going on a Mediterranean cruise August 5th and I'd like to weigh about 137 lbs by that point. I have about 50 days plus or minus a couple....I am going to lose this weight, so help me. I'm done feeling frustrated and not deserving of FEELING pretty, I'M DONE!

12 lbs in 7 weeks, YES I CAN! :)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

OK- Back on Track with a new attitude

Hello World, I'm supposed to be working on my Teaching Certification sh-tuff right now, but I feel like I owe my followers an explanation from my hietus from blogging and weight loss. I lost 7 pounds before I started gaining it all right back. I couldn't even tell you how it started coming back, but all of a sudden the numbers on the scale just kept going up. I haven't gained all of it back, but I am back up to 149. I am about to start my period so I know some of the weight right now is water and normal weight gain. So, I am going to start back on the driven, focused diet and attitude NOW. For starters, I woke up early this morning and did the grocery shop. I like doing the shop in the mornings because my mindset is like, "OK it's a new day, new chances, and new opportunities to make better choices." I did make good choices. My newest love is Nutella. No bueno! At Publix, Nutella is buy 2 for $6. I also had a coupon for it, too. When I was down the aisle, I walked right by it without looking back. This decision led me to walk down the dairy aisle and not even glance at the cookie dough. I feel so much better knowing that even when I want the chocolate, I do have some sortof will power. I justneed to make a conscious effort to say NO! To tell you the truth, I don't know what happened to me the past month. I always felt stressed out, tired, and irritable. I was down on myself and just kept seeing the pounds go up and up. My attitude reflected how I felt emotionally and mentally and my choices reflected my attitude. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted the weight to come off and I was getting frustrated because it was doing the exact opposite. I decided I was done with dieting and I hated it. Fortunately, this is only how I felt, not what I wanted to do. I am starting now, and I am going to see how much weight I lose with my new attitude and rejuvinated sense of confidence. I'll keep you posted. I am going to do this countdown by days and weeks for one month at a time. Ok, so we have four weeks and today is day one. I weigh 149 and I have 30 days left. I don't know how much I lose, but hopefully I lose more than just a pound. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Doing well, but extending my time

Hello World!

I feel like I've been doing pretty well considering I have approached another "girly" time week. I weighed in at 146 so I lost 2 more pounds since the last time I blogged and I have 19 more pounds to lose. I am extending my finish date to my birthday, May 28th. I want to weigh 127 by the time I turn 24. :) May 10th is approaching too fast and I feel like if I stress myself out about it then I won't lose the weight and I'll sabotage myself.

So if I did the math correctly, I need to lose 19 pounds in 73 days. That means I need to lose 2.6 pounds every week. Sounds a whole lot better than 4 pounds a week. :) I'm trying to stay positive.

I did eat on the bad side today. I had a Special K protein shake for breakfast which was 5 points. I had a Smart Ones Alfredo with broccoli which was 6 points. I had unsalted pretzels which, the amount I ate, was about 5 points. For dinner I am making a reduced fat burger and sweet potato on the side. The burger is 6 points and the sweet potato is 3 points. My whole dinner is 9 points.
This brings my total to 26 out of 29 points for the day. :)


73 days left and 19 pounds to go! Woot woot!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Fruit= A Smile

Hello World,

I have been making progress back to order in the past two days. Yesterday I had cereal for breakfast, black bean soup for lunch and a cool dinner. I found this recipe on Weight with the main ingredient being shrimp. Now, I am not a "sea food eater" although I have expanded my aray of white fish and I started eating some types of sushi, as well as scallops. I mostly gravitate towards the fish most of the time. Anyway, the recipe is called Baked Shrimp with lemony garlic sauce. It was only 4 points, ya'll!!! I decided to make a quick side dish of pasta, don't worry it was only half a cup so that was 3 points, and I added a little bit of bread crumbs to it. I saved points for a small piece of apple pie and that was 5 points. In total yesterday, I had 21 out of 29 points and I felt satisfied when I went to bed.

Today I had cereal again, and I finished the rest of my black bean soup. For dinner, inspired by a new dish at Longhorn Steakhouse, I made a fresh salad of romaine lettuce, cut up grapes, oranges, and strawberries and added some pecans. I used a raspberry vinaigrette with it and wow, it was amazing. I couldn't even finish my whole salad and I felt so "healthy" because I was eating a vegetable and fruit with a light salad dressing. The salad was 5 points in total because of mostly the pecans. They were full and shelled...whatever that means! I had a slice of apple pie again making my total used today 23 out of 29 points and again, I feel so satisfied! I am weighing in tomorrow, however, I kind of cheated a "sneeked" a peak today. I weighed 148! I lost 1 pound in 2 days...CRAZY! I wish though it didn't take 1 day to gain 2 pounds!

I'm still going to keep with my diet for dinner tomorrow night and make baked eggplant parm to celebrate. However, I am dipping the eggplant in eggwhites instead of regular egg and baking instead of frying. :) I still get my breading, but without most of the fat :)

21 pounds left in 68days....Ru-Oh, Rorge....running out of days! :-\

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Where's the finish line, man!?

Hello World,

As promised yesterday, I'm starting to blog every night again in hopes to help myself stop from making bad choices during the day and get back on track. Today, was a rough day, but not completely bad. I stayed within my points :)

For breakfast I had Special K cereal and 1/2 cup of fat free milk. This equaled 4 points. For lunch, I had a salad with half of a serving of Marie's Ranch so it ended up being 3 points instead of 5! I felt proud of that choice. I had some Girl Scout Cookies- Trefoils and those equaled 7 points. Not my best all. I just wanted sugar and instead of taking a couple out of the wrapper, I kept it on my desk and snacked...NO BUENO!!! I can't do that anymore. My will power sucks at this point. So in total my lunch equaled 10 points...pretty high...making my total for the day so far at 13. When I got home from class at UNF, I was starving and while I was cooking, again I was snacking! I ate my dessert first, a small piece of pie which equaled 5 points and then I had a small chicken quesadilla. The tortillas I used were Carb Balance so for 2 (to make the quesadilla in the maker) the total came to 4 points. I used 2% milk cheddar cheese and some chicken bits from Tyson. Both of those together equaled 2 points. So my whole dinner was 6 points bringing my total to 24. Oh, I also had a fat free light yogurt during break time for my class which was 3 points so my total points usage was 27 out of 29 daily.

I feel incredibly full right now, like I overate. I don't know why I am letting loose and not caring at the moment. I guess I'm just tired of watching every little bit I eat and working out 4or 5 days a week and hitting a plateau at 145 pounds. I am totally sucking at life right now and I am lucky I have my husband and my family standing behind me. I feel sorry for Josh. He has to listen to me complain and feel sorry and down on myself. He has to listen to me feel frustrated over and over and over! Thank you, love, for being there and continueing to be there. Thank you daddy for working out with me and making me feel obligated to work out because we are supposed to be doing this together. :)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I was on a break and now I'm ready...again

Hello World,

For the past two weeks, I stopped calculating my points and really caring because I felt so tired and burnt out. Valentine's Day weekend I was in GA and ate, well to be honest, not so great. Valentine's Day, still didn't eat great and our anniversary weekend, ate even worse. I didn't exactly eat bad food, I just ate way too much. At the end of today, I weighed 149. Embarrassing, yes I know. I gained like 4 pounds back in 2 weeks. How does that happen?

I'm frustrated beyond belief because I sabotage everything! I don't even realize I'm doing it, but my mind just wants all of these different comfort foods! I am not very stressed, but of course, I do have stress. I'm reverting back to what I used to do and it does not feel good at all. I feel like a failure, like I'm just not this strong woman I wanted to be.

I am starting again tomorrow. I am going to throw out the stupid Girl Scout cookies in my classroom and I am going to stare at the apple pie on the counter, but stick to eating my Nutella (A spoonful is enough). I am going to start tracking my points, for real now, on my Weight Watchers account and my blog, to you guys. God help me, or something help me because I am losing steam right now and I'm two steps to throwing this whole thing to the wind...

Ok, so honestly now 22 pounds left to lose and 70 days left to do this!


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Every Action Has An Equal or Opposite Reaction...

Hello World,

First of all, a very special shout out to the Griffith family! I was suprised and flattered to be told that each of them follow my blog and support me in this journey. Thank you so much for being there to support me and more importantly, welcoming me into your family. Rachel- the shower was wonderful and so was the food. I definitely cheated when I got to your house. I had 4 meatballs, 2 spoonfuls of the queso chili dip and a handful of chips. I don't even want to know how many points that was.

On to reflecting...

The past week was my period week and I've accepted the fact that it is nearly impossible to lose weight while mother nature is visiting, not only from the extra water weight and stuff, but also because my eating habits change. Although I didn't eat terrible, I did not stick to logging in my points every day. I don't know if it was because I was afraid of going over and I wanted to live in ignorance or if it was because I didn't really care. This month was pretty bad. My cramps and mood, poor Josh! I stayed pretty consistant though with working out and I stayed the same weight as when I started my period weighing 147 and some odd ounces. Today I weighed myself and I weigh the same, even after eating pretty badly in Albany. We ate at a hibachi place last night so I'm also guessing tomorrow and the day after more weight will come off because Jap and Chinese food sit heavy in your stomach like pizza or hamburger.

So to tie in the title of today's post: I have come to realize that every action I take to lose weight (or simply maintain) will incure an equal reaction, in which I'll lose weight if I'm good, or an opposite reaction, in which I will gain weight if I am bad. I know this isn't rocket science, but seeing the proof in front of me helps me make sense of this balance.

I am going to seriously blog every day this week because I want to get down to 144 or even 143. Mine and Josh's anniversary is next weekend and we are going to Daytona Beach to relax and spend time together. It would be nice to also celebrate reaching another goal weight. If I hit 144 that would be a total of 8 pounds lost in 6 weeks. Not too shabby!

Ok, so I'm going to be honest with myself and calculate the weight I have left to lose with my current weight at 147....I have 20 pounds left to lose and I have 81 days left to do it!

Thank you for all of your support and I'll "see" you tomorrow!