Today is day 5. Almost one week! Sorry I haven't been writing in the past few days. I've been so busy and just plain tired. This past week has been final exam week and it's been stressful because as you know there's a tremendous amount of pressure on teachers these days to produce data that shows the students as being proficient. I haven't bent much though through the stress as far as cheating. My students were playing Jeopardy and the winners and the runner-ups got extra credit points added back to their final exam grade and candy. Jeopardy started last Friday and went until yesterday. In this short amount of time, I ate maybe 2-3 peices of bite size candy such as Snickers or Twix. I was so proud of myself because in times of stress I could go through much more than that.
I feel scared at the moment because I have to break a routine. Usually when I'm exhausted or tired, I go right for the comfort foods: Chinese, pasta, pizza... I suppose all of the carbs. Now, I am becoming very conscious of NOT going after these things, but at the same time I feel extremely fatigued. I feel like I'm going through withdrawals from the normal foods that I eat! I have such urges sometimes that I have to distract myself by doing something else or think of something gross so it averts my want for the food.
I never realized how much I was eating until I really started paying attention and actually saying no. I am very nervous, however, because this weekend Josh and I are going to South Florida to visit with Jay and Demetrio. I'm so scared I'm going to eat so badly and drink. I already promised myself that I wasn't going to drink through this process, but I'm going to be with all of these boys. What happens if I revert back to these old ways and I ruin everything I have worked so hard for!? I know I shouldn't worry about it and when the time comes I will make the right decision, but what scares me is in the past, I didn't make those good decisions. I don't want to make those mistakes again. All the support is welcomed :)